3rd Syawal 1430 Hijri

I celebrated my Hari Raya at my friend's house.
It was quite okay since her family was really nice towards me so I did not feel left behind.
Today, on the 3rd of Raya, I went back to my house(rented) because I have to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing much exactly happen after I arrived at my house.
I went to the office to check the pineapple tarts my mum sent to me, bought some groceries, and went straight back home.
Well, tonight I am alone since my friend will only return this weekend.
So, I am really alone and bored.

I don't know but I feel very sad.
Seriously sad, but I do not know to whom I should tell this feeling.
I am really, really sad...

I try to do other things so that I will not give much attention to my feeling.
I don't know. I am a weird girl.
I cried a few times this evening but my tears won't come out.
I do not know to whom I should share this feeling because I am alone by myself.
I really wanted to hug someone at the moment.
I really needed someone at the moment to lend their shoulder.
Crying on other people shoulder really feels good.
I've experienced it, once.
But I do not know to whom I should do that.

I try to be brave, hide my feeling in these few days but seems like I'm not strong enough.
Though my tears did come out at the moment while writing all these, but my heart is really in pain.
It's really painful...
Why is it so painful?

I try hard to hide my feelings in front of my friends.
I did not want to cry in front of them.
I don't want them to know that I'm sad.
I don't want them to be worried.
I don't want them to know that I'm weak.
But, i really can't hide this sadness forever.

That's why I'm writing it down; hopefully I will fell better after writing all these.
But, it does not seem to work much.
I'm tired of hiding my feeling all these years in front of my friends and family.
I'm tired of feeling sad and crying all by myself.
But, what can I do since I hate to cry in front of people.
But, above all, I hate to cry...

I want to stop crying, but seems like I can't.
I feel so lonely and sad and I don't know what am I suppose to do.
The tears that is coming out from my eyes were like blood in my veins.
Can't be separated no matter what I do.
A crybaby will always be a crybaby.
I am such a silly and foolish girl.
A girl who really loves to cry.
Stop crying, Hidayah...........
God, give me strength.